Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
