Someone shit on the floor
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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