Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Is it penis luge time yet?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
