Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
