We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize