they need to just BURY HIM!
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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