Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
pray to the hookup gods
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
