The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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