Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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