i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
His hands were made for my vagina.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
