Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
