Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
