ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Found your dick twin last night
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
