Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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