Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
