i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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