Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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