Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
