glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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