i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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