Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I will die if light touches me.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
