The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
