Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
