it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
