is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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