Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
