i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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