Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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