I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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