I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
