i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
