your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Are we in a gay sports bar?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Randomize