A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
