the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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