Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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