and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
