im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
