yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize