So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
