The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
