he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
