Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize