How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
