Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
