His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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