About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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