i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
