I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Your cock deserves a montage
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
