I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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