Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
