I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
