The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
