Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
