i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
