I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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