i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
