He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
