I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
