how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
