her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize