I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
