Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
