is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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