Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
