he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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