Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
