why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
