You're so nebulous sometimes
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
