...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
