I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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