i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
