Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
