Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
