Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
