i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
