Betty ford says i'm here all night
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
