My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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