3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
420 ftw
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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