Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
