The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
