I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
