I'm drive I can fine osifer
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
