I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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