maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
