Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
