Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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