Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
