I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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