I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize