she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
