Where did you get a picture of my penis
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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