Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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