oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
