I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
