i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
