how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
