dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
They have beer where we have blood.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
