i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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