ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Someone shattered a urinal.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
