if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
