I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
