You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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