i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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