Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize