i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
