I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
